Reflections of a docuvixen (in Tailand) coming to terms as an Empath

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Beach Time with Phoenix

It was quite an opportuity to spend full time with on the beach with 2 year old, (in Phoenix)  because 1. I was also a beach toddler, spent my whole 2nd year of life in the Caribbean Sea. 2. I have come to realize the synchronisticity in doing this right now.  These past few years, I have come out as an empat, and stopped hidding that fact, as I have in the past. Since the emotional crash at the end of 2014, I have been lost in the emotional pain and turmoil, y’all.  It at times was so overwhelming that it seemed unending. So lost, found my self deep in the middle of a depressing May 2015.

img_25051JUNGLE!!!! Phaeng Waterfall

I lost myself in the pain kinda hold onto it like a life perserver. (Why do we do that tho?) deep in depresion and the thing is not all of the pain was mine, and never usually is. All my life I have felt emotions that weren’t mine felt others around me and the collective pain, and the Earths pain. It isn’t just empathizing I actually feel the emotions as my own, so much so felt like I couldn’t even feel for myself, like I was empty.. invaded with other peoples stuff all the time.

img_25171One mountain view, more to go Phaeng Waterfall

This brings me to being with a 2 year old, because as an empath it seems I am still a toddler, I mean a toddler’s tantrums are just that feeling emotions for the filrs time. All my life i have felt that the world was on my shoulders well it is actually in my gut. I feel collective pain and with the advent of social media it has only gotten worse.

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Phaeng Waterfall

Ask my parents I’e always taken other people’s problems as m own from High School taking people in all the way to today. People staying at my house, I will always bring people home to do so. My cousin always said I attracked the crazy, but the thing is I never really saw anyoine as crazy, I mean pretty much took folks at face value with and empathized without judgement.

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Wat Sritanu (local temple) I see Buddist Monks going for their daily walk every morning on my morning.

The problem is when you run into the energy vampires or sociopaths, who are exhausting, they differ in that often the energy vampires don’t even know that are are that… sociopaths know what they are doing. Learnt that they are cyptonite for empaths, I’ve run into them unfortunately. They are the same as sociopaths in that they are all encompassing in therir own emotional needs and take, take, take, take, and for an unaware empath the automatic is to give, give, give until they have nothing left.  So I had to walk away from friendships, which for me causes me heartbreak, each and every one of them.  So my hope with my time here is to move out of my toddler stage, which brings me back to the sychronicity of this trip, spending my whole trip with a toddler. The hope in this triop is moving forward as an empath out of the toddler stage and be able to be functional with this gift that right now feels like a curse.

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Sunset Hin Kong Beach

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